August 8 | In Defense of Keeping Your Mouth Shut

There are many benefits to keeping your mouth shut.

Here are several:

It makes it much more difficult to accidentally eat spiders. If the back-of-the-cereal-box truths are to be believed, you may be able to cut your annual quota down from 8 to 0 simply by refusing to open your mouth.

Keep your mouth shut long enough, and you’ll likely lose a ton of weight, if you don’t die from dehydration first

It’s much easier to apply lipstick, and you can get away with applying much less.

Your teeth and tongue get some much needed introvert time

No one can read your lips. Or if they do read your lips, all they’ll be able to read is “mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm”

Dramatically increases the aerodynamic features of your face

You never have to worry about anything being in your teeth

Decreases the likelihood you accidentally spit on someone in the middle of a conversation… Read the rest