The Best Thing To Do Is Stop

February 4

From “A Calendar of Wisdom” by Leo Tolstoy

Good morning, friend.

There are, in order: things that happen, our reactions to the thing that happened, and then the reactions to our reactions.

First, something happens: your boss calls you out of nowhere. You break your favorite mug. Someone close to you has a medical emergency.

Then, the reactions to what happened: fear, distrust, anger, confusion. Shutting down, closing off your emotions, or letting them consume you.

Finally, the reactions to the reactions. Self-doubt and internal questioning: Why do I always take this so hard? Why do things like this always hit at the worst time? How many times have I explained this to them? When will they finally get it?

The truth of the matter is that, of those three stages, it’s almost always the third stage that informs our choices.

Not what happened, not even our reactions, but our reactions to our reactions.

For better or for worse, we’re all stuck at the center of our own universes—stuck interpreting the world through the lense of “how does this impact me.” And when something happens, we often choose our actions not based off of a desired external outcome, but a desire to restore the balance of our internal world—undoing not the actions, but the reactions and the reactions to our reactions.

Or, let everything else finish happening.

Reserve judgment, just for a few moments.

Action in the future, yes. But for now?

The best thing to do is stop.

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