Burn the Witch

October 31

The general consensus is that burning witches is preferable for several reasons: first, it purifies them of all their evil witchy-ness, and second, it stops them from getting up to any witch-y business while you’re trying to kill them.

This is, ironically, the exact kind of common sense intuition that, in contrast to science, seems to be the kind of things witches were getting in trouble for in the first place.

The truth is, the same exact argument could be made for accountants, lawyers, or pesky door-to-door sales people who don’t even do you the dignity of wearing pointy black hats.

Facing the impossibility of conducting scientific tests on whether burning at the stake actually increases salvations (or decreases witchery), and the equal impossibility of unburning anyone (witch or otherwise), it seems the clearest course of action is to save your firewood.

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