In Defense of Keeping Your Mouth Shut

August 8

There are many benefits to keeping your mouth shut.

Here are several:

• It makes it much more difficult to accidentally eat spiders. If the back-of-the-cereal-box truths are to be believed, you may be able to cut your annual quota down from 8 to 0 simply by refusing to open your mouth. 

• Keep your mouth shut long enough, and you’ll likely lose a ton of weight, if you don’t die from dehydration first

• It’s much easier to apply lipstick, and you can get away with applying much less. 

• Your teeth and tongue get some much needed introvert time

• No one can read your lips. Or if they do read your lips, all they’ll be able to read is “mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm”

• Dramatically increases the aerodynamic features of your face

• You never have to worry about anything being in your teeth

• Decreases the likelihood you accidentally spit on someone in the middle of a conversation

Morning Reading is a daily email to help center yourself, reflect, and prepare for the day. It’s sent with love from your friend, Zach in Austin, Texas. He even drew the logo himself.

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