Halfway to Nowhere

September 6

According to wikipedia, Zeno was a pre-Socratic Greek philosopher known for his paradoxes, the most famous of which is the paradox of Achilles and the Tortoise.

Per the internet, it goes something like this: a tortoise sets out at some distance from Achilles. Achilles, being a mythic hero, is much faster than the tortoise, and races to catch up with them. In order to reach the tortoise, Achilles must pass the original point the Tortoise started from before he can reach the tortoise—and must continue to do so in perpetuity, for all of eternity, forevering slicing a distance in half without ever really reaching it.

Per the internet, Achilles has yet to comment on this disgraceful athletic performance, making himself completely unavailable to reporters for comment on this Aesop-level flex by the tortoise.

Once again per the internet, the tortoise has yet to make comments, as by all accounts, the tortoise has yet to learn English.

And after all, Zeno is dead, relegated to a wikipedia page that needs citations, so who gives a shit what he thinks anyway?

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